Mr Bond tells you how to get the ladies

Hi. I'm not the coolest guy in the world... just kidding, I am. Because I am so infinitely cool, I take sympathy on the inferior anti-socials, such as you. It has come to my attention that some of you only have your right hand for company, but WAIT NO MORE!! The suave, sexy Mr Bond is here to help. To stop (you) beating around the bush, I will start my sexalicious words of wisdom.

Don't be nice. Girls like bad boys. The next time your teacher yells the roll, answer with a calm, "I'm here, you fat-ass bitch". You will get more attention than that ADD kid that eats glue.

Take a shower every day. Brush your hair. Floss your teeth. Use deodorant. Shave, unless you know they think beards are sexy. Use acne cream. They say a smile is all you need, but I say SHUT UP AND FOLLOW MY INSTRUCTIONS!! 

I know what I'm doing, fat ass meatball

God (although not Buddha) hates fat people, and so do the ladies, so get on that treadmill, fatty!! If ever you feel like eating that donut, look in the mirror and keep repeating the same four words 200 times: heart attack at forty. Because the last time I checked, ladies like guys like this:

And not guys like this:

LIFE IS HARD, but with these sensual and voluptuous words, getting a little bit of love is easy. Of course, for some of you, being cool just wont work (*cough* *Michael* *cough*), but that's the nature of life.  Remember, getting tips from a pro is a rare opportunity, so make the most of my words of sexy wisdom.

 

You say douche: I say entrepreneur

You can thank me later...